This article might be a bit too Enquirer-ish, even for us at OZONE. It may piss off a few people, but fuck it, that’s never stopped us before. Since this is the “sex issue,” we decided to get inside the mind (and body?) of a groupie, commonly defined as someone who has sex with famous people because of their status. Everyone has wondered at one point in their lives what it would be like to sleep with a celebrity, so here we’ve got some (presumably) real-life experiences to satisfy your curiosity.

Here’s how it worked: OZONE put out the word on the street that anyone who had fucked a famous person could call from a blocked number and confess all the juicy details. According to our callers, Mr. Cheeks and Tyrese got rave reviews, while Jadakiss and Allen Iverson were less than satisfying. However, since the interviews were completely anonymous, we have no way of verifying if they are true or not. All details (cities, club names, hotel names) have been removed. So, please keep in mind while reading the following two pages that these stories may or may not be factual, and do not necessarily represent the opinions of OZONE Magazine (my lawyer told me to say that). In layman’s terms, that means you can’t sue us if you don’t like what was said. Also, we all know that it takes two to tango, so just because someone was whack in bed once doesn’t mean they’re always whack.

We received calls about Jacki-O and Jim Jones which were not printed because there were some doubts about their authenticity. The following stories are from several different women. These encounters did not necessarily occur recently, so if you are currently seeing one of these fine gentlemen, no need to curse him out. If you, too, have a celebrity confession, you can email us at feedback@ozonemag.com for instructions.

After six months, did you develop an emotional attachment to him or was it mostly sex?
To be honest, I did have an emotional attachment to him, because I stopped seeing everybody else at the time.

What was the sex like?
He’s freaky as hell, I’ll tell you that much. He’ll lick any hole that you ask him to. His dick is a decent size. He could fuck, I’ll put it that way. He’ll do it any way you want.

So you would recommend him?
Yeah, I would recommend him. If anybody reads this, he’s gonna get a lot of pussy.

How did you meet him?
I was at a show where he performed. He approached me like, "Yo, come here, come chill with me." I waited with him until everyone left and we went back to the hotel. We’re chilling, everything is cool, and then everybody else leaves the room. I just kinda sat there, like, "Okay, now we’re alone…" and we were watching TV. He was like, "Come here, let’s watch TV in bed." So I’m thinking, Okay, I guess this is how it’s gonna go down. We go over to the bed and he starts touching me. I was like, "No, I don’t know if I wanna do this," but it kinda just led to it and we were going to [have sex] and he just busted. That was it. No oral sex or anything, it was just kinda grindin’. Sizewise, he was decent. Nothing to brag about. It doesn’t even really count as sex, because he busted so fast he didn’t even really stick it in. Everything was cool, though, we just went to sleep and I left the next morning. We’ve never talked again.

Were you disappointed?
It wasn’t that I was disappointed, I was just shocked because I thought he would last longer. Plus, I didn’t really wanna do it in the first place. I was more disappointed with myself for even getting to that point.

So would you be offended if someone called you a groupie?
I don’t give it up that easy, it was just in that circumstance. You know, if a woman wants it, what’s wrong with that? I don’t consider any girl to be a groupie, ‘cause everybody does their own thing. We don’t consider guys to be groupies, so I don’t think women should be considered groupies either.

Do you think the minuteman thing was just a fluke?
It might have been a fluke. I hope it was just a fluke. I just don’t know how it happened that fast. He’s gotta be able to last with somebody.

Are there any celebrities you’d want to sleep with?
Ludacris. I think the sex would be fun; just ‘cause of the way he carries himself. He talks so much about sex. But, sometimes the ones that talk about it aren’t about anything.

How long did you mess with him?
Like three months.

Boring?
Boring. The biggest dick you will ever see in your life, but boring. Huge. Like a one-liter Pepsi bottle. What do you call those things? The 20-ounce bottle. It’s beyond huge. It could block the sun.

What kinds of things did he buy you?
Two fur coats. Diamond earrings. I got mostly cash, though. Cash all the time.

What’s the most cash he ever gave you at one time?
Three thousand. He told me to buy something nice for the next time I gave him some good head. I was like, "Whatever." I used it to pay my bills.

Did you feel like a prostitute?
The money came way before the head came. Sometimes he’d give me money and I hadn’t even done anything.

Was it like a booty-call thing? He’d call you at a certain time of night?
He would have his homeboy call me and come pick me up and bring me over to wherever he was. The studio, the club, wherever the fuck he was at.

Did you ever go to his house?
Yeah. He’d watch a movie, I’d clean his house, we’d take a shower, fuck, and he’d go to sleep. I would take a cab, I’d always leave.

So what was in it for you? Bragging rights?
Yeah, I’m in the music business, so that’s pretty much the reason I fucked Jay. Just to say that I did.

Was there ever a situation where you had to deal with him on a business tip?
Mixing business with pleasure, no. That’s too much bullshit. But I think most rappers basically try to fuck bitches who are smart and try to keep them around so they can learn shit. I did it discreetly, though, so most people don’t know.

Anybody else on your hit list?
Petey Pablo. I don’t know why, there’s just something about him. I seen him on 106th and Park and he must have had a hard-on. Plus, he’s a country muthafucker, and I wanna get out of New York one time. That’s it, but I’m not coming out of retirement. I’m retired now that I’m married.

So what’s your background like, sexually? I mean, some people might look at someone who sleeps around or sleeps with famous people and assume that they were raped, or abused, as a child.
Actually, I kinda find dick that I like and stick with it for long, long periods of time. I was thirteen the first time I had sex, and he’s my husband now. We just got married a year ago. He stuck with me through all that shit. I mean, we weren’t dating. We were junior high sweethearts, we were together for years. But I realized I didn’t want the same dick all the time so we headed different directions. He had two kids with somebody else and we came back together as a family.

Why did it end?
It just did. I mean, he’s married. We’re still cordial, though, whenever we see each other.

Since he’s famous, were you worried about him fucking other girls?
I didn’t care. It was just a sex thing.

Were you more attracted to him as a person, or because he’s famous?
I was attracted to him as a person. I ain’t into no fame shit, it just happens.

Would you be offended if someone called you a groupie?
Yes, ‘cause I’m not a groupie. Hell, I’m famous too (laughing).

Did he tell you why he approached you, rather than the other girls in the club?
He said it was the perfume, and the cleavage.

Isn’t he married? Does that bother you?
It doesn’t bother me at all. It was mostly a physical thing. He lived with me for a few weeks, I lived with him for a few weeks. [He and his wife] break up like every two weeks, so it’s never bothered me.

So you still mess with him? Is there an emotional attachment there now, after ten years?
Yes, yes definitely.

Is it a turn-on that he’s famous?
Like, that other women want him? Definitely. And they don’t get him. It’s a beautiful thing.

Is it difficult to trust him knowing that he has women throwing themselves at him?
I know I’m not the only one. What does it matter?

How big is his dick?
Not that big. I would say average.

How does he compensate for that?
Oh, my. Alright, let me see if I could put this into the English language. There is some strange, weird position that he gets you into. He’s the only person that has ever made me squirt. Like, when it shoots out and you think it’s piss. He’s the only man on the face of the planet that has done that to me. I think every woman in the world should have him at least once. I’m serious. I think he should be rented out. They will never, ever find sex like that again. I’m telling you, every fucking bitch on the planet should fuck this nigga one time. He’s fun. That’s all I can say about him, and I really wasn’t attracted to his face but now I am. I was more attracted to his style.

Did you keep seeing him?
That was the only time we slept together, but we’ve seen each other numerous times since then.