This concept (and layout) is a straight rip from VH1/Blender Magazine’s popular series, but hopefully they won’t mind. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, eh? Anyway, we were a little disappointed with their recent special, The Most Awesomely Bad Songs of 2004. While we agreed with some of their selections (Ruben Studdard’s “Sorry 2004,” Ludacris’ “Splash Waterfalls,” R Kelly’s “U Saved Me,” Eamon’s “Fuck It” and Nelly’s “Pimp Juice”) there were plenty of songs more deserving of the title. They also included a few songs that didn’t deserve to be on the list - like Terror Squad’s “Lean Back. The inclusion of Juvenile’s “Slow Motion” was also questionable - especially since the VH1 writers apparently couldn’t tell the difference between Juvenile and Soulja Slim’s verses. And while we would have loved to include that annoying Ashanti song (you know, the one where she’s moaning, “Baby, baaaby, baaaabay, baby”), we had to draw the line somewhere. So, here are the 20 most awesomely bad Southern songs of 2004. - JB & Wally Sparks

01 – Dem Franchize Boyz “White Tees”
Where should I start? Whack beat? Check. Terrible rhymes? Check. Bad mixing and mastering? Check. High annoyance factor? Check! You know your shit is a gimmick when it spawns at least six different response records. Fortunately, these humble dudes didn’t get inflated egos from the unexplainable success of this song. - WS

02 - Trina “Big Ol’ Dick”
Going for the marketing strategy of “sex sells,” Trina tried to create a buzz by rapping about all the men she’s (allegedly) fucked (Ludacris, Baby) and throwing in a few other names (Nelly, Jay-Z) so people will think it’s a joke. - JB

03 - Lil Flip f/ Lea “Sunshine”
Lea was the best thing about this song. The most annoying and simple songs always turn out to be the biggest radio hits - what does that say about society? “I’ll treat you like milk, I’ll do nothing but spoil you”? - WS

04 - Crime Mob “Stilettos”
The beat is crazy, but these young ladies Diamond and Princess screaming, “We rockin’ stilettos, hoe!” makes my ears bleed. Nonetheless, they have sadly succeeded in creating a women’s anthem. And, I must add that both of these girls look good in heels. - WS

05 - Nelly f/ Tim McGraw “Over and Over”
Country music + hip-pop = bad idea. - JB

06 - Master P “Them Jeans”
Master P is the 500 million dollar man. He should know better. Here’s a personal request from a longtime fan and supporter: stop biting! This obvious “Get Low” rip-off was pathetic. - WS

07 - Juvenile f/ Wyclef & the Ying Yang Twins “Slow Motion (remix)”
Whoever put this remix on Juvenile’s Greatest Hits album should be fired. There was no need to remix “Slow Motion” in the first place, and there are a million rappers that coulda ripped this track better than Wyclef and the Ying Yang Twins. No one wants to hear about ‘Clef’s “super sperm” or the Ying Yang Twins’ “freakin’ til twelve the next evenin’.” - JB

08 - Ludacris “Splash Waterfalls”
Every time I hear the song, I am forced to revisit the video: haunted by corny visions of Ludacris seducing women and kickin’ game in clichéd settings like a football field and a library. Then, the hook comes on, and we see faux pastel clouds. Huh? - JB

09 - J-Kwon “Tipsy”
This underage drinking anthem suffered from pure overexposure. It was one of those songs that was so irritatingly catchy it was bound to be heard everywhere. - JB
10 - Chingy “Balla Baby”
Chingy’s transformation into a “balla” is not convincing. His “baby, baby” Biggie rip along with unlikely braggadocio lyrics like “I could take on all ten [girls] with my one pipe” makes for an awesomely bad pop song. - JB

11 - Nelly “Flap Your Wings”
Easily the worst dance song of the year. “Drop down and get your eagle on”? - JB

12 - Bonecrusher “Super Nigga”
Bonecrusher in tights is not a visual picture I want to have. Plus, the song sucked. - JB

13 - Ruben Studdard “Sorry 2004”
As if the song wasn’t bad enough, Ruben was looking like a big fat stalker in the video. - JB

14 - Pastor Troy “Ridin’ Big”
Any song that substitutes “yo” for “hoe” in the radio version is bound to be bad. Pastor Troy was not ridin’ big after this single, and the album, flopped. This song marks the thousandth time that a rapper has bragged about “gettin’ my dick sucked while I drive.” - JB

15 - Murphy Lee f/Jermaine Dupri “Wat Da Hook Gon’ Be”
Hey, Jermaine, I can’t think of a hook. Oh, “What da hook gon’ be? I don’t need no fuckin’ hook on this beat?” Yeah, I like that. That’s creative. Great idea, thanks. - JB

16 - Rasheeda f/ Petey Pablo “Vibrate”
A woman spitting, “Make that ass vibrate” over a frantic track just doesn’t sound right to me. Petey Pablo’s verse added a nice touch, but Jive did Rasheeda dirty by taking her song and putting it on Petey’s album. - JB

17 - Ying Yang Twins “Halftime”
Smurf, you should’ve known better. This shit was, shit. I am firm believer that no song other that “Bout It Bout It” in ¾ time will ever make the club jump, especially a song that’s on some marching band shit. - WS

18 - Trillville “Crunk In Yo’ System”
Shout “GET SOME CRUNK IN YO SYSTEM!!!!!” for a full five minutes. Repeat. - JB

19 - Don Yute f/ Ying Yang Twins “Row Da Boat”
This contrived attempt at Southern dancehall just didn’t work. Slip-N-Slide was hyping it up as the next big thing, but it didn’t happen. - JB

20 - Goodie Mob “One Monkey Don’t Stop No Show”
The group tried to make a statement against former member Cee-Lo, but it backfired. So, as it turns out, apparently one monkey can stop the show. - JB